All of us, in our minds, have a list of what we would like our partner to be like. Physical traits aside, we have a list of character traits that look a lot like this- ‘Must be understanding. Must be truthful. Must be kind. Must not get angry. Must be willing to help. Must give space. Must be open to new experiences. Must do this and must not do that.’
But, if the same list was used as a checklist for us and our current traits, how many points would get checked off, I wonder.
Are you understanding?
If another person is having a bad day or is tired, do you realize that before snapping their heads off for something that they said or did not say?
Are you truthful?
If you are likely to get into trouble with the people you love, do you still tell the truth or do you find it easier to cover it up with what you might call, a little white lie?
Are you kind?
If you see someone sitting by themselves while you yourself are surrounded by a group of friends, do you make it a point to make them feel included, or do you not even notice?
Do you avoid anger?
If someone does something, anything, contrary to what you believe was needed to be done, do you get irritated and snarl at them or do you explain your point of view clearly and accept their point of view, if necessary?
Do you help?
If someone comes to you for help in the most inconvenient time do you suck it up and help them or do you make excuses?
Do you give others space?
If your best friend wanted to go off on a trip with another group of friends do you grudgingly pretend you are happy for them or are you genuinely pleased for their good fortune?
Are you open to new experiences?
If your parents want you to try out a new cuisine at dinner, do you turn up your nose at the food and order your usual fare or do you offer to try it, at least ?
This is just a sample list of qualities that we wish for in a life partner. We would probably want more, need more and demand more from the one we love. We therefore go about searching, looking for and observing anyone who fits the bill in this quest for love and companionship. But, are we really ready for that step?
If we are nowhere near what we would want our partner to be, what makes us believe that our life would be easier if we had such a partner?
Shouldn’t we at least become a version of the person we want to marry, having the same qualities that we deem as worthy?
Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Instead of spending time searching for and viewing every person as a potential, why don’t we spend that time becoming the best version of ourselves? Instead of daydreaming about loving someone, why don’t we invest in our own lives? Instead of being jealous of those in a different phase of life, why can’t we make the most of where we are now?
It is much harder to develop qualities of patience, perseverance, calmness, self-control etc when you have to deal with the proximity of another human being 24 X 7. It is much easier to develop them now, practice them when you are free from the responsibility of another human, hone them for a while and be a pro at them when you eventually find your partner.
Mind you, I do know that we cannot be perfect but, we can and should at least try.
Become Ms. Right or Mr. Right and then your counterpart, your soulmate, your life partner or whatever you might want to call them will come into your life and it will be easier, better and definitely worth the wait.