‘Extra’ is the only vaccine that works against mediocrity

My rant against mediocrity (Part 2)

In a session held for college students titled ‘Ordinary to Extraordinary’, I repeat this oft used statement-In order to be extraordinary, you have to do that something extra. I say it every single time, because it is something so simple and yet it’s what most people struggle with.

Not only do people struggle with the ‘extra’, it seems that the ‘ordinary’ too has different definitions in everyone’s book and that has led to a whole lot of average.

“Something deep in the human heart breaks at the thought of a life of mediocrity.”

C. S. Lewis

I don’t want to be so cynical as to think that mediocrity is a choice being made intentionally but I also don’t want this culture of mediocrity to permeate into the depths of our society, into the blood of its people, into the DNA of generations to come. So I repeat my the oft used line again, in order to be extraordinary, you have to do that something extra.

What does that look like?

Extra effort:

It has become the norm to put in the least effort, to do the bare minimum and expect all the happiness and success without even trying.

We have become an entitled bunch thinking that with less effort, our life improves when in fact the opposite is true. ‘If I finish this work in two hours instead of three I will be asked to do more work’, someone once told me without realising that the additional work would actually help them learn more skills, faster. ‘I want to enjoy the moment’, someone else said, without realising that drinking every weekend, enjoying the moment meant that they were too hungover to accomplish their long-term goals. This is unfortunately the story of most of us.

We were not meant to live mediocre lives. If that was the case, we would still be living in caves, hunting for our food with sticks and stones and dying by the age of 40 of unexplainable diseases. It was the people who gave their ALL who have built the life and society we see today. The way we show them our thanks is by paying it forward, continuing on the path of effort. It’s a win-win situation for everyone.

Extra compassion:

Me, myself and I has taken the forefront of every thought, decision, and behaviour of ours nowadays. We consider ourselves both the beginning and the end and anything that is different than what we believe, is absolutely wrong.

We behave in ways that we feel is appropriate, completely disregarding others around us- others with varied opinions, backgrounds, experiences and abilities. Why? Because, I have the right to choose, we say. I am important. I cannot be inconvenienced. I will not stand for anything except what I have always known.

I can make my own choices independently but as a member of organized society, I also cannot choose to drive on the right side of the road when everyone drives on the left (or vice versa).Imagine if everyone starts exercising their right to drive in whichever direction they so choose, chaos will ensue. Our lack of compassion for others has caused the same outcome- chaos. Everyone is so busy shouting ‘me, me, me’ that we have forgotten about people and the implications our choices have on them.

Families are stronger when the husband and wife both bring their experiences to the table and build their life together. Parent-child relationships are richer when both sides try and understand each other better. Work life is so much more peaceful and productive when employees-colleagues-bosses have transparent conversations with each other. Friendships are deeper when both friends are open and vulnerable with each other. We were charged to build a world where respect, compassion and love are the undercurrents to every relationship, despite the differences. That’s a world I would like to live in.

Extra convictions:

How many of us refuse to stand up for what we believe in just because no one else is doing so? How many of us get carried away by the flow of the crowd and stoop down to our base instincts of anger, jealousy, pride, because that is considered ‘normal’?

If it’s normal, it’s average. If it’s average, it’s probably closer to mediocre than you really want to be.

Benjamin Hardy

‘Normal’ is not supposed to be our yardstick. Extraordinary is. Greatness is.

When we do not hold on to our convictions or worse, when we do not have any convictions at all, we lower our standards and in the process lower the standards of society as a whole. Qualities like hatred, envy, dishonesty, violence, greed become a part of our DNA. We don’t even realise that it was all our seemingly small decisions to join in the gossip, to lie to protect ourselves, to turn a blind eye to bullying or harassment, to stay silent when we see something wrong, that has led us directly to this place.

Benjamin Hardy aptly puts it in his article titled ‘Mediocrity Is a Virus. Here’s How to Banish It Completely’. He says, “Little things become big things. When you justify and allow even little things into your life which your intuition warns you against, you permit a virus to enter your life. It spreads to other areas”.

Mediocrity is a virus that permeates our lives with just one goal- to destroy. But, when we counter it with that something extra – extra effort, extra compassion, extra convictions and all the other extra that you can think of, the virus is made powerless. ‘Extra’ is the vaccine that works and transforms the ordinary into the extraordinary. Why wouldn’t you want to try it out?

(Read Part 1)

My rant against mediocrity…

Every day I feel as if I am locked in a room filling slowly with water, trapped with a bunch of others who do not seem to care that they are stuck too and will probably drown unless something changes.…

by rhodadaniel March 3, 2016

Let’s not fit in

When I was a child, I was often asked the question, “Are you like your mother or your father?” and strange that the question was, I always replied, “I am not like either of them. I am unique”.

Even at that age, I knew somewhere in my inner being that our personalities, likes, dislikes, interests, talents, passions and purpose form a unique combination that make us so different from anybody else, even our own parents.

Unfortunately, we spend the better half of our youth trying to fit in or get in with the crowd when all that matters is owning our difference, being the best version of who we are, and in the process living to our fullest potential.

Many fully grown adults too find themselves in the same boat; trying to fit in, striving for what seems to matter to those around them, keeping up with the joneses (or the Kardashians) because that is what they are told is important. If it’s important to others, it should be important for my life as well, right?? Actually…that’s not true at all.

That’s a lie we tell ourselves because sometimes we are too tired, too lazy or too busy with the routine to even think for ourselves. So, we look to others and copy what they do, trying to paste their lives into ours expecting to feel the same excitement, exhilaration and sense of satisfaction that they seem to have, only to realise that a cheap copy is nowhere near the original. It’s fake, hollow, completely unsatisfactory and leaves us feeling lost, disturbed and extremely disillusioned with life.

We are all snowflakes, with a unique design and purpose for our lives; and it is our belief in that uniqueness, that allows us to own it, seek it and live it, in the best possible way.

Don’t try to emulate others. Don’t walk the paths already trodden. Don’t do what others are doing. Be yourself. Wholly. Completely. Unashamedly.

You were meant to lean in to who you are and meant to focus on becoming a first-rate you rather than trying to be a second-rate someone else.

Your difference is your superpower. Embrace it. Live it. Make the most of it. No more hiding.

Reality

Week 4 of 2021.

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I have long known that I have a deep sense of longing to build meaning and purpose into my life. Without it, I feel untethered, like a boat left on the sea without a captain or an anchor, drifting away with no sense to its existence.

This week that feeling of uselessness overwhelmed me as I struggled to find meaning in the day to day. Usually this feeling passes and I find my reason for existence but this time was different. This time there was no light in sight and it felt like I couldn’t keep my head above the water. I was sinking and I was sinking fast.

I don’t want to bore you with the details of my (internal) struggle or saddle you with my (mind-made) burdens so I’ll get to the point. I am still here. My head is above the water. My mind is clear and my burden is light.

How come?

I very intentionally pulled myself out of my funk by doing the things that usually give me a sense of purpose. Creating something. Completing tasks from my to-do list. Painting. Watching a comforting movie. Taking pictures. Dancing around the house like a crazy person. Whether I felt like doing it or not, I just did and I could see that light again.

I read this the other day…

“Watch for the morning light and receive small joys”

So, hang in there. There is a difference between how you feel and reality, as I have often learnt. There is wisdom in understanding the difference.

Hope you have a light-filled week!

Adulting

Week 3 of 2021. Our adult life is killing many of us. It is slowly killing our soul.

“I just cannot believe I have to be an adult for the rest of my life”, I read today on Instagram and I believe many of us feel the exact same way.

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We wake up, work, wait for the work day to end, try to do something for ourselves or our families, sleep and do it all over again the next day. 6 days a week, 52 weeks of the year, for 40 years and for what?

More money. Another promotion. To ‘settle down’. To be successful.

Anyone who has been there and done that, who has managed to reach that ever-moving goalpost of ‘success’ will tell you that it is not enough. It is never enough and in that process of trying to reach it -life just passes you by.

So, what do we do? Give up? Or keep moving with a slowly dying soul?

We seek. We search for that something that gives us some sense of meaning/reason/happiness in our lives. We find those little moments that give us joy and peace and we do them more often so that they fill out our lives. Or at least that’s what I have been trying to do.

“Find what you love and let it kill you.”

Charles Bukowski

You might find meaning in parenting your kid. You might find peace with a friend. You might find purpose in serving people of your community. You might find joy in mastering your job. You might find meaning in providing guidance to others. You might find that spark while creating something from scratch. Whatever it is, if you haven’t found it yet, keep seeking. It’s too early to give up. It’s too early to lose hope. It’s too early to die from within.

“If you’re losing your soul and you know it, then you’ve still got a soul left to lose.”

Charles Bukowski

I’m not always filled with passion and purpose and meaning. There are good days and bad. The goal is to have more good days than bad and to keep seeking until you create a life you actually like.

Let’s keep at it.

Sifting through the past

Week 2 of 2021 was an emotional rollercoaster and I coasted along with a smile on my face because I actually love rollercoasters.

I also love nostalgia. That’s probably why I have piles of diaries with my illegible scribbles and doodles saved up since I was in school. I also have notes from friends and enemies alike, plane tickets, travel mementos, and everything I could possibly save in my memory box and I love going through them from time to time to reminisce about the times past and mostly to laugh at my old self and her foolish behaviour.

I took this chance to do a reality check to ensure that I wasn’t falling into my old patterns of behaviour. I have long known that most of us tend to struggle with the same patterns again and again throughout life and even as we grow and evolve, the threat of falling back into that same pattern is very very real. So, being proactive does help.

Most of us tend to struggle with the same patterns again and again throughout life.

People say you shouldn’t look back at your past but I believe having a peek now and then to remind yourself of how far you have come is a good thing because sometimes we forget.

“The only time you should ever look back is to see how far you’ve come.”

So, with that reminder, I enter this next week.

Just the weather

You are the sky. Everything else- it’s just the weather.

– Puma Chodron (Buddhist Nun)

Week 1 of 2021. What can I say? It was a week. Catching up on work, dealing with multiple work and personal crises situations, trying my best to catch up with friends by scheduling calls with them (because we are all grown ups now and that is what we do), and also making sure that the intention I set for the new year was not getting lost in the scramble. It was a week.

But, through the chaos, I was reminded that everything that happens around me is just noise. Something to either learn from or ignore. Something to register, maybe comment on but something that will most likely be different the next day. Just like the weather.

The weather changes daily, weekly, and monthly. Some days are unexpected. Some days are hard. Some days are lovely. We just live with it and make the most of it. We don’t let it get us down.

So, with that clarity I enter this next week.

Needed lots of coffee and clarity this week.

The high of new year

I’m an enneagram 4, also known as the Individualist. 4’s have a relentless drive to discover and understand who they truly are and because of that they are always searching for the next high.

Now, I believe, you don’t need to be a 4 to have the drive to want to understand who you truly are and to search for the next high. Going from one high to another, searching for that next adrenaline rush , wanting something to make you feel alive is a human experience thing which is also why people jump out of airplanes ‘for fun’, climb to the tops of dangerous mountains ‘for fun’ and break speed limits ‘for fun’.

The search for the next fix is very real and can easily spiral into something harmful so when I see posts and conversations putting people down for having New Years resolutions or saying ‘New Year New Me’ all I can think is – that’s their high, let them be.

Some people get their high from extreme sports while others get their high from a new year, or Mondays. Some people get their high from procrastinating till the last minute while others get it from riding roller coasters. Let the people get their fix, as long as it is not harmful to them or to others.

So if I want to ride the high of new year, believe me, I will ride it because its better than the other highs I might chase otherwise.

Plans for 2021

My intention for 2021 is ‘razor sharpness’. One of the statements that I heard recently that really hit me was – We did not go through 2020 to remain the same. So 2021 for me is to sharpen those aspects of my life that I developed in 2020. In 2020 it was due to the circumstances, in 2021 I am making the choice – to add only things that serve who I want to become and remove/cut off/ abandon everything that threatens to dull that sharpness.

I Found Myself Again | 30-Day No Video Challenge Results

I did it! I went 30 days without any sort of YouTube video, Netflix or Television (with some exceptions) and there is a lot I learnt about myself, about the purpose of entertainment  and about life in general.

The greatest thing I realized, even though I kinda knew it, was the fact that as a creative person and also as an introvert, I needed ‘Space’. Now, I am quite good (and  a little extreme sometimes) about giving myself physical space because I know that I need to recharge my energy but staying away from videos of any kind made me realize that I needed mental space as well. I needed to be able to think. I needed to not crowd my mind so much with unnecessary things. The amount of mental space that I got to think and process and create over these 30 days  just made such a huge difference in my life.

I also realized that TV is distracting. This is again something that I already knew or should have known but I didn’t really connect it with my life. TV or any form of entertainment is an escape. It is created to distract you and that’s good if you need the distraction but nobody needs the distraction every single day.

The only time I really needed to watch something, was when I was sick and I needed to be distracted by my life and how I was feeling and even then I could have gotten away with a book, if I had more self-control. But, I didn’t, so I let myself get distracted and that was the only time I messed up my challenge.

Life is too beautiful to want to escape it all the time. Even with its highs and lows, messiness and beauty and sometimes a little ugliness, life needs to be experienced, not escaped. That’s the best way to live. I do not want numbed senses, which I realized I had because too much TV does numb your senses. 

I watched just 2 movies over the course of this challenge (because I fell ill),  but, boy, do I remember those movies with such clarity because that’s all I watched over the course of the 30 days. This clarity made me long for clarity all year long. 

The longing to escape numbness, to be more present in life and to experience all that my life had to offer made me understand that I needed to be creative myself.  Though it would always be nice to watch a touching movie, an inspiring TV show and an informative documentary, I needed to be inspired and create myself, do something myself, because that is the life I long for- a life of meaning and meaning comes from action rather than just admiration.

Overall, I think as I look back, this month made me realize who I was as a person and what brought me happiness and what filled me with satisfaction and even though I have been really late with sharing these flashes of understanding with you, I have already made changes to my life that will ensure that the rest of 2019 will be one which will make my soul really really happy.

Action, not admiration, will be the key word for the rest of 2019 and I bet that my life is going to be drastically better. At least, that’s the hope!!

 

 

 

I Messed Up | Day 10 of 30

I knew this was probably going to happen so I had built in coping mechanisms into this challenge in case this really happened and because of that, I am not going to beat myself up about it.

I messed up!

One Day 8, I returned from work all tired and grumpy, with my body aching, knowing that I was heading into some flu-like illness. The symptoms were there all day and as I struggled to sit at work towards the end of the day, I just knew it.

I got home after picking up some food on the way and all I wanted to do was curl up on my bed and watch something.

In hindsight, I could have just eaten my food and gone to bed but I didn’t.

Instead, I turned on my laptop, got on Amazon Prime Video and clicked on a TV show. I was so tired and exhausted and quite frankly sick that I just sat there in front of that lit up screen, processing nothing. I just sat there, staring at the flickering images in front of my eyes.

4 or 5 episodes in, I went to bed.

The bad news is, I messed up this 30-day no video challenge I am on.

The good news is, that is okay.

Now, I am usually someone who is wary of the ‘that’s okay’ attitude because I know I have used it way too many times to get away with not being disciplined enough or productive enough, but I also know that this time I was quite serious about what I wanted to achieve with this challenge and the fact that I was physically sick was the only reason I gave in to temptation. I just didn’t have any energy to resist.

So, the next day I went right back into the challenge. I didn’t say, “It doesn’t really matter. I’ve already lost the challenge.” I didn’t say,”I can’t do this. I’m too weak.” I didn’t say, “I’m going to give up.” I just got up the next day and went about my life as if I was still on the challenge and will be for what’s remaining of the next 30 days. That was my coping mechanism and it worked.

Now, its Day 10 and I haven’t wanted to watch ANYTHING even though I still haven’t recovered fully from my illness. Now, that’s progress! Hope this inspires you to keep going even if you mess up.

See you on Day 15.